And what a year it has been.
Hey there readers. My apologies for being M.I.A. for over a year. My life has been interesting, to say the least, for these last 524 days. So much to share. Unfortunately 95% of it has been a complete and total nightmare. Where to start? I guess at the beginning, hunh?
This tragedy, (and I'm not being dramatic, total poop show ahead) began to unfold on my birthday in 2018. My maternal unit forgot my birthday. How does a person forget the anniversary of the day that they pushed out an 8 lb 5 1/2 oz bundle of awesome, especially since that bundle of awesomeness picked her up, drove her to church, and was talking about said birthday along the way? I'll tell you how. Dementia.
Yes, ladies and gents, this was the first sign of the tsunami that was about to obliterate my life. From here things started going down hill. Slowly at first, then out of nowhere, the train went off the rails quickly. She began forgetting her keys and getting locked out of the house. The neighbors, bless their hearts, were helping her get into the house and keeping her not so little secret. Unbeknownst to me, she was looking herself out on a regular basis. She actually went to the supermarket one day and left the groceries on the bus. Didn't find out about that until 5 months later. Would have helped if I had known about it when it happened, but she sweet talked the neighbors into not telling me.
Bless. Their. Hearts.
Oh look at that, it's starting to drizzle.
After I got a call for the 2nd time in 3 months that she had locked herself out again, I hid a set of keys in her wallet and told her they were there just in case. 2 weeks later, I get a call that she had locked herself out again. The neighbor across the street saw her sitting on the front steps. Just sitting there. Don't know who she was waiting for, but thank God the neighbor saw her. She took her into her house, found her cell phone in her purse, and called me at work. So glad I hid those keys in her wallet. I asked the neighbor to look in the wallet for the spare set and she let the maternal unit back into the house.That was strike three. I left the extra keys with the neighbor just in case.
Meanwhile, the eldest sibling came down to take the maternal unit to the doctor. The diagnosis was now official. She has dementia. Now here's the kicker. She had been lying for MONTHS about going to the doctor and getting her prescriptions refilled. Turns out the doctor had not seen her in 6 months. She was supposed to go every 2. Aaaargh!!!. She said she was going to the pharmacy to pick up her refills. Also a BIG FAT LIE. She hadn't had them refilled in 3 months. Double Aaaaarrrggggghhh!!!! The doctor told us that it was still early, but we, as in the siblings, would just need to call her in the morning and in the evening to check on her.
The gentle rain had now become a downpour.
She was one hell of an actress. She had stopped going to her church and would go to church with me on Saturdays. Acted perfectly normal. Held it together long enough to get through service for a good long time. But, there were more secrets. She had stopped hanging out with her best friend. Not calling anyone. If you wanted to talk to her you had to call. I would go to her house every Thursday morning to take out the trash. At first she would least have it out on the porch ready for me to take down. Then one day she apparently started to get it together and then just left it half done on the floor. The next week, she was just in bed, got nothing together at all. Already late for work (keep in mind that I work an hour and a half away), I just ran through the house, got the trash together, asked if she was OK, and kept it moving. I called when I got to work to ask her what the deal was. She just said she was tired and hadn't been sleeping well. I let it go for the moment because I had to get back to work.
On the way home I stopped through to take the recycling bucket back in. She hadn't showered and was still just sitting in bed. Something smelled funny. I check the bathroom. Oh for the love of all that is holy and righteous! The tub was a disgusting mess. The drain stopper must have fallen and she couldn't figure out how to reopen it. The water was almost to the top of the tub and it hadn't been drained in God only knows when. WTF?!?!?! Well, guess we know why she hadn't showered.
I ran over to the big box home and garden store with the orange logo, bought heavy duty cleaners, gloves, and whatnot and went back to her house to clean up the mess. It took 4 hours. I didn't get back to my place until after 11 PM.
Is that thunder I hear in the distance?
The next morning, I ran down to wake her up before I left for work and told her that she better be up and showered when I get home. 10 hours later, I stop by. She had showered and washed her hair. She was having a moment of clarity. Finally, progress. The next day she went to church with me, still appeared to be in her right mind. Appeared being the key word. The next Friday was Good Friday and her bestie offered to pick her up and take her to church and lunch. They had a good day. Maybe the drugs are finally kicking in. False sense of security meet complete sh!t show.
Lightening! Run for cover!
Easter Sunday.We were supposed to go to 6AM service. I was outside waiting and waiting and waiting. I called. The phone rang and rang and rang. Finally she picks up. She doesn't want to go. Fine. I leave and tell her to be ready to go to her church at 1:30 PM. I call on my way to come get her. She doesn't feel like it. OK, I'm done. She needs to get out of that house and fast. All of these events were reported to the siblings. The scramble beings.
70 MPH winds.Oh boy.
The next day I call her from work to let her know that I will stop by the house on my way home. I pull up to the house and there she is getting picked up out of the bushes by the next door neighbor and another good Samaritan. She was disheveled, her wig was half on, and she was wearing the same clothes from Good Friday. Houston, we officially have a problem. I get her back in the house. Go check the fridge and her meds. She hadn't been eating or taking her prescriptions even though she had been telling us that she had when we called everyday. I brought her some food and water to her room. Watched her eat. Made sure she was settled and called the siblings. It was agreed that she was to be confined to the house until the weekend and I had to go by everyday. Thursday morning, trash duty, check on her, get her food and drink, run to work. I get a call while I'm on lunch from the eldest sibling telling me to get to the maternal units house because she had fallen. I rush home and find her sitting on the floor just picking her nails. She had wet herself and was sitting in it like nothing was wrong. Called 9-1-1. They took her to the hospital. She never got back to the house after that.
Here comes the hurricane!
She was admitted to the hospital. Tests revealed that the she had encephalopathy or water on the brain. Her brain was drowning and a lot of the cells were already dead. No idea where it came from but it progressed very quickly. Because of her age and declining health, putting in a stint was out of the question. She could not be left alone. She could not go back home. To the nursing home she went. At first she was local and it was under the guise of rehab. We had to scramble to get her to sign a POA before she was completely incapacitated. After two months in a nursing home in Philly, the eldest sibling found her a spot out in Chambersburg. Finally, for the first time in my adult life, I was no longer responsible for her. Or so I thought.
150 MPH winds, rain, flooding.
She had no plan. She had no money. We had to sell that piece of crap house fast. No one came to help me clean it out except for my friend Sonja. Because it required a total clean out, we only got $12.5K for it. The $5K plus that I had already paid out of my pocket for her insurance and medical bills? Yeah, that's a total loss. I had to liquidate my IRA to pay for her care. I am now in debt to the IRS over $1K in penalties. It is a year later. She has no more money The monthly fee for the nursing home is $6K. She only gets $2400 from SocSec and her pension. Do the math. Yup. We are hella screwed. She's been in the hospital 6 times in the last 12 months. Infections. A stroke. Other issues. She can no longer walk, is talking infrequently, and on soft foods. Fortunately, and this is going to sound bad but, she is now in hospice care. I'm praying for 'that' phone call to come sooner rather than later. She has not been herself for over a year now. She is no longer there.
So now you see why I haven't written in 524 days. I've been a little busy. My finances are a mess. The job is still and hour and a half away because the money I would have used to move is gone. And top it all off, my car is not happy. Still hella single. Gained all of my weight back because I hurt my ankle last year and never really healed. I'm also dealing with major depression and had not so positive thoughts and ideas more than a few times. I'm seriously just over this and literally sick and tired of being sick and tired.
The only reason I have hung on this long is because I am trusting God for a miracle and breakthrough. Have I had doubts? Hell yeah I have. Every single day. He knows where I am and how much I can take before I give up. Praying this will turn around. He doesn't move quickly but He can move suddenly. But until that happens, I'm still here...for now.
