One of These Kids is Not Like the Others

Truth be told, I am not a very open person. My personal motto is "Trust no one, suspect everyone". More than a few people have said to me "Don't be that way," or "That's no way to live." To them, I say "Hmph, if you only knew."

Here's the deal. While from the outside looking in, I have had a pretty charmed life. On many levels, this is quite true. Private schooling for 13 years, a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear... All of the "things" that could and should satisfy the typical child in these yet to be united states (always the militant, sorry not sorry).

There was always something missing though, two things actually. Love and acceptance.

Now before some folks (i.e. family members) get all butt hurt about what I'm saying, this is my space and my perception. Also, keep in mind, we had two very different childhoods. I can't speak on what you went through and you truly cannot understand mine. So save the drama for your mama, and I mean that quite literally.

Let me give you a scenario, see if you can relate. Have you ever walked into a room full of family members but felt like the red-headed stepchild (no shade intended on gingers. Prince Harry is my boo)? Always trying to fit in but never quite able to master their language? Yeah, that kid was me. That's why I hate, loathe, despise, abhor, detest, and dread family functions of any sort. Holidays, weddings, funerals. It's always too much. Too many people at once who are supposed to be my kinfolk and skinfolk but when all together in one place, they feel like them-folk. It only takes a few minutes for me to find a corner somewhere to hide, zone-out, and find my personal "happy place". Those people are not my people. Not all at once anyway. There are one or two that I can take maybe a couple at a time, but all of them? Uh, no. Seriously, Team Doin' Too Much.

After many years of soul-searching and much prayer, I finally figured out why. There is a huge age gap between my siblings and myself. Eight and ten years respectively. Which means there's a gap between me and my cousins as well. Growing up, I always felt like the outsider and the "oops". You can't tell me I wasn't a mistake. And lately, as their mother gets older, she's started to let stuff slip. Snide remarks here, a slick word there. Little hints that I was definitely Daddy's baby but her maybe (I really don't believe I'm her kid, just sayin'). A lot of things didn't make sense then but do now. And while it's not all right, it's still alright. Jesus loves me. And because I know He loves me then I know I'll be OK. Better than OK. Folks just have to respect The Great Wall of Defense that I've built around me. It's all a part of my Proverbs 4:23 way of surviving - "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."

So in my own defense, it's not that I don't want to love or trust people. Quite the contrary. I love a tad too much and have been hurt because of it. And when I get hurt I get angry, and when I get angry, well, let's just say it's not pretty. Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry (old school TV reference).

So I'm protecting myself and subsequently you as well. You're welcome.

Secrets and Lies

"There is nothing hidden that will not be found. There is no secret that will not be well known" - Luke 8:17 CEV

For real though, why do people even bother lying about petty things? Even lying about not so trivial things is stupid. The Orange Anal Pore is proving daily that you can't escape your lies. But this is not another political rant. I'll save that for his next scandal or as we common folks call it, tomorrow.

No, I'm talking about family and friends. It is so stupid to lie to those closest to you. On the real, all you are doing is making things harder on yourself. Eventually nothing you say will be believed. You don't want to be that person. One day you will be telling the truth and really need help and no one will be there.Why? Because you have lied your way ouy of their trust.

What's even worse, than lying constantly is having some big ridiculous family secret. Oh my gosh, if only you knew how many families have been destroyed over one person's desire to save face. Just tell the truth from jump. Will a few people have hurt feelings? It's very likely they will, but they will get over it. It's selfish to hide something until you're on your deathbed or even worse, to leave a letter with the truth to be dealt with after you die. That is a straight up punk move.

Just fess up people. Seriously. Living a lie for years is far worse than just telling the truth and dealing with the consequences. You are living in your own private hell for no other reason than foolish pride. Is it really worth it? Is it worth hurting your family and friends for years to come because you were too selfeish and your ego was too big to be honest? Wow. That's messed up.

I know of quite a few secrets and lies, but it is not my place to out anyone or tell their story. Until they are ready to tell it, I just have to sit back and watch and wait. You can't force someone to come clean. All you can do it have a broom and bucket at the ready when the tie comes to clean up the mess.

Clean up in aisle seven!

What about your friends?

friend [frend]

- noun

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile
4. a member of he same nation, party, etc.
5. a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker
6. a person associated with another as a contact on a social-networking website

Why did I start this entry with the Dictionary.com definition of friend? Because I needed you to see what has happened to the word, the concept, the essential meaning of being a friend. Notice how the term goes from being one of attachment, affection, and personal regard to just being associated by social-network. 

Let's just clear up this misnomer right off the bat. Just because Facebook chose the term friend as a connection point for those who are in your network, that does not by any means make those 100+ people your friends. You are lucky (no wait, let me change that) blessed if you have more than 5 real friends in your lifetime. So to think that those hundreds of people that you are sharing your pictures, opinions, thoughts, and life with actually give a rats ass about you... come on now. Really? Really?!?!  Most of them are only following you because they want to up their "friend" count. Because we all know that having so many friends on Facebook makes you more significant, right? Umm, no. It actually doesn't. Sorry to break that bit of news to you. 

Some are only your friend to make themselves feel better. If they see you struggling and not having the easiest of times, it makes their not so great situation seem not so bad. (Whew, I may be a hot mess, but look at so-and-so. Glad I'm not them.) How very friendly that is. Can you feel the love. Yeah, me neither. *shrug* [FB note: Take the time to put your friends in categories/lists. Also, separate the weeds from the wheat, Friends vs. acquaintances. Post your pics and status updates accordingly.]

Then there are the stalkers. They consist of the following: 

• exes 
• side-jawns 
• fellow church members 
• co-workers 
• family members who want something to use against you at the next family gathering

These are the most insidious friends of all. Why? Because these are people you wouldn't think would be so untrustworthy (other than the exes of course)  but they are the biggest threat. [FB note: Don't be stupid. When you break up with someone, delete them from your friends list and block them immediately!] These people will take the smallest thing and turn it into the biggest ball of mess. Case in point, they tag you in a picture or a post at a gathering where other people you know weren't invited to come along or attend. Enter the drama, stage left. First off, not every event and everything is for everybody. If they weren't invited there must have been a reason. That being said, stay above the fray. Real friends will understand that. Real friends really don't get hurt feelings over stupid crap like that. Real friends also don't find the need to rub it in someone's face that they were invited. That's petty and stupid.  [FB Note: Do not let other people tag you in photos and posts without your permission. Why invite trouble]

Now I will admit, I am not the best friend, be it in real life or on social media. 

In real life, some time ago, I can't exactly pinpoint when it happened, I phased out quite a few people from my life. There were just too many hangers-on. The relationships were dying anyway so I just pulled the plug and backed away. Don't get me wrong, if one of those people really needed me I would be there in a flash and I continue to pray for them nonetheless. The attachment was gone, not exactly the feelings or personal regard. However, like all things in life, the relationships had reached their expiration date. No big falling out or anything it just fizzled. 

My FB friend count is at 132. That to me is way too many, but of that 132, I can only see the post of about 10 people on my timeline. I just don't have the time or the energy to weed through all of the foolishness. Everyone has been placed on a list and I check those lists every couple of days. My page and posts are locked down. My coworkers, church members, and most of my family can not see what I post unless I post to all. Why? Because people are just too dramatic. Assuming everything is about them. Ugh! Please get over yourself. 

I guess as I've gotten older I've come to realize that at the end of my journey on this planet I want to be remembered as having touched someone's life. Those who remember me fondly, those people were my friends. 

(originally written in 2014)