As a result of beingin solitude for so long and still working from home, I am now even more of an introvert. Basically one more bad thing happening away from becoing a full fledged hermit. Not kidding. I leave the house only once a week. And when I do leave, I get everything done - laundry, shopping, groceries, etc. - in one trip if at all possible. This world has lost all sanity and I reuse to be caught in the middle of some foolishness and violence.
Philly is a cesspool. Carjackings, home invasions, shootings, and all other types of crazy. Can't go out after dark. It's just not safe anymore anywhere, but especially here in "the 'hood". Maybe I'm overreacting. I mean after being away from the outside world for so long, depression has taken over. After Sonja died, there really was no one else left in Philly that I talked to other than Renee, and she has her own life to live. There is literally nothing to keep me here. No family. One friend. Heck, even my church is in Charlotte, so why am I even here?!?!?
Keeping it 100, I've never really liked living in Philly anyway. This has never felt like home to me. The pandemic only made that more apparent. On top of that, I've always had a meloncholy demeanor, which has ony increased 100 fold since 2020. I've asked my doctor for help, but she's useless. I really need to find a new PCP. Therapy would probably help, but I don't trust anyone. Kinda defeats the purpose of therapy if you can't talk to a therapist.
I really don't know what to do. Caught between a rock and a hard place. Want to live but don't want to leave the house. Want to make friends but don't like people. Yes, I am a hot mess.
